Masters of the Universe

I’ve realized over the years that being a human being doesn’t come with a lot of perks.  We don’t have claws, impressive strength, sharp teeth, an exoskeleton, or any of the cool things we see in the rest of the animal kingdom.  Unfortunately, being human means accepting a carbon-based, fleshy body with limited knowledge about the world around us.  All we really have to rely on are our opposable thumbs and an overly developed brain that, often times, does more harm than good. This regrettable lack of omnipotence has only added to my curiosity of what other people are doing around the world.  Fortunately for me though, our predecessors and peers have come up with ways to keep us a single, global, community!  Thanks to the internet, television, and magazines, we can stay up to date with the ridiculous antics of our fellow brethren around the world.  

At any given moment, there are a few billion people in the world each doing something potentially unique and potentially retarded.  Some are saving lives, some are taking lives, most are starving (unfortunately) and a few are shamefully misrepresenting the nobility of the human race.  Today’s post is going to focus on a few ridiculous headlines and recent news that I find noteworthy as it pertains to our sometimes silly existence as human beings.   

Let’s start off slow.  In a headline I found off MSNBC’s website, the article title reads: “Irish premier denies being drunk, hung over on air”.  First of all, this doesn’t help the stereotype about Irish people and drinking.  Secondly, one would think that the night before an important press conference or radio interview, the Prime Minister of a country would refrain from bar hopping.  But who am I to say that severe inebriation isn’t the key to pulling a country out of debt and turmoil.  A quote from the article immensely adds to the hilarity of the story:

               

Asked by a reporter for TV3 about speculation he was struggling from the after effects of late-night drinking, Cowen replied curtly, "That's ridiculous." He also criticized the question as being "uncalled for."

One opposition politician, Simon Coveney of Fine Gael, tweeted that Cowen sounded "halfway between drunk and hung over."

In another story that I found to be humorous, a journalist writes about an escaped spider monkey from a San Antonio animal sanctuary.  After a severe storm that damaged his pen, the monkey, a one W.C. Fields escaped into the neighboring suburbs of San Antonio.  President of the sanctuary, Stephen Tello, announces to the press that "You can tell he's lost…” "You can tell he's scared, doing a lot of vocalizations. So, we really have a scared, hungry primate." Fine. Except the article then immediately says: “The Express-News said the animal stayed out of reach of sanctuary staff by climbing trees, and traveled almost six miles on Monday alone.  Residents have spotted the primate near homes and in some garages, the WOAI report said.”  That doesn’t sound to me like a monkey that enjoys his “sanctuary”.  It would rather starve and travel six miles in a single day, then let them take him back to the “pen”.  After reading this article I couldn’t help but ask myself: Why do we as humans insist on tormenting all the cute, little animals in the world?

Finally, as a crowning jewel to this blog post paying homage to our occasionally asinine tendencies as people, this last news headline is short and straight-forward.  “Alleged police impersonator pulls over detective.”  

“Detective William Zambito was driving home from work at about 4:30 a.m. when an unmarked car with flashing lights and sirens stopped him. When Zambito told Alfaro-Marquez he was an off-duty officer, police said Alfaro-Marquez fled the scene.”

“Alfaro-Marquez was arrested at his home. Police recovered two badges, handcuffs, a pellet pistol in a holster and a Drug Enforcement Agency baseball hat and shirt.”

There truly isn’t much to comment on regarding this story.  If anything it tells me that perhaps life has become TOO comfortable for some to bear.  We’ve mastered the art of survival and now some have turned to becoming menaces to society.  I find it hard to imagine that people had much else to worry about two thousand years ago other than dying for whatever reason.  People could barely find enough food on a day to day basis much less find time in the middle of the night to pull pranks.  

All in all, I hope this post lets you take a mental step back and truly appreciate what an intelligent, noble, and admirable species we’ve developed into.  People like the Irish Prime Minister and Mr. Alfaro-Marquez truly make it easy for the rest of us to keep our chins up high.  Keep on keeping on, world!